April 30, 2007
This week: "Lost, Tossed and Squashed"
Hi folks...My good friend Her Purple-Highness Stephany NJC 'across-the-pond' in the UK prompted me to write about this recurring international oddity this week. She questioned how a drain pipe got sideways 12 feet up in a tree.
I know it's no different in other places. Whether I've been drivin' down Woodward Ave.or Telegraph Rd. in Detroit, Pennsylvania Ave. in D.C, Broadway in New York, Sunset Blvd. in L.A, Duval Street in Key West, or Ocean Ave. in Miami, it's always the same. There usually is one or two things either stuck to, on, or in the road or street, that makes me wonder how it got there.
Sometimes it's just a single shoe. Did some child toss it out the window, not to be discovered till the parent and driver got home? And, why didn't they go back for it? Or maybe its a brand new lookingcell phone. Don't they know it's gone when they arent getting any calls? And, that poor very large dog that somehow got out, only to become road-kill, probably late at night. Why didn't it's owners keep it locked or chained up? Of course there is invariably the dead multi-colored house cat, who shouldv'e had nine lives, so why did they get squashed? Possums, raccoons, and deer, those I can understand. Its God's way of providing food to the vultures and birds of prey.
I wish that I had a nickle (or schilling) for every squirrel I'e seen flattened. Ever notice how those little guys always seem to have one arm stuck up out of their munched carcasses, as if to say "Hey! STOPPPPPPPP!". Maybe they were giving the offending driver the 'finger' in that last second when they looked up to see that car barreling down on them thinking, "Oh,oh!" And no matter who you are or where you live, everyone's seen that mattress or box springs up on the side of the highway that obviously blew off while someone had been moving. You know that later that night, they probably thought, "Hey! My bed is lower!" Or that one lone chair that usually somehow ended upright, as though someone had pulled over, set it up straight, and sat there for a few minutes watching traffic whiz by. I always see notebooks with loose papers scattered all around it as well.
Then there are those sunglasses, usually with one lense cracked and one side-arm missing. I have even see the occasional television and computer monitor. Hats. Blacks bags of unknown contents. A single or pair of gloves. Signs that say "Vote for..." And then there are the tires. Some shreaded, some just sitting there like someone had been changing a tire, changed it, and forgot to put the flat one in the trunk. One of my favorites are the refrigerators. Now, when it came off the truck, trailer or lowry, didn't the vehicle transporting it notice that the drag on the vehicle suddenly got less, and it had started going a bit faster due to the weight loss?
Recently, while working as a 1st Resonding Officer, I had control of a lost and found area. In it were the usual lost keys, eyeglasses, I-Pods, cell phones, drivers lisenses, I. D badges, single earrings, planners and datebooks, and garage door openers. These, I could all understand. Like those items in the road. Its pretty easy to get an idea how that stuff got misplaced and why it ended up where it did. But, there were 3 that had me stumped. I opened the drawer one morning to discover someone's teeth (dentures). Boy, don't you know they were surprised last night at dinner! Then, there was the woman's birth control device. She must have been pretty shook when she reached out in the dark and wondered where it went. (I'll bet he wasn't too happy at that moment either!) Nothing surprises me anymore.
Then, there was that phone call. I've been around the block and the world a few times, so I'm not a clueless person. So, when the phone rang at my desk that morning, I was ready for anything. The woman on the phone asked if anyone had turned in a Heart Monitor! Surprised and intrigued, I asked when she had misplaced it. "Oh, it was about 2 or 3 weeks ago" she said. What!? What was her 1st clue? Was it the 2 weeks of heart-thumping palpitations that made her realize it wasn't where it was supposed ot be? Now I was amazed. And, why would she take off the damn heart monitor anyway?! Yep folks, it's a crazy and wacky world we live in and on. Now-a-days, I'm un-fazed by those things left lost, tossed and squashed. People are pre-occupied, and have their minds on other things. That' why all those drivers blowing stop signs always have a cell phone to their ear. Its a busy, busy world we live in these days. Rush here, run there, haul-tail over there and.. "Oops! I didn't see that critter run out in front of me!" Squash!
Yep friends, it's tough. Our world is fillied with people trying to find lost mattresses, keys, tvs, datebooks and single tennis shoes. I think these people are scattered, and distracted by the hustle and bustle of their worlds. They should get a life, and try and focus on the task at hand. Concentrate on what they are doing at the moment. I mean, get real! It's not that hard. I hate to think what it must be like living with these clueless members of our society, to busy to think.
And so in closing my friends, I hope I didn't offend anyone by implying anything about being forgetful or absent-minded. But, it doesnt take much to think 1st. Really, it doesnt. So, lets get with it and watch out for, and hang on to those things. But right now, I gotta go....and try to find my pants......
Keep yer hands on the wheel 'n yer foot to the floor...when your'e "Drivin' Sideways in Detroit!" Get out 'n wax those rides folks! Peace!
"Hurricane" Duane
*Special Thanks this week to: The "Hurricane Shelter", Stephany NJC-UK, Larry Patterson's Treasure Island Gold-Fla, Sonja Paris-Intnl, Soulful Detroit's Music Forum and Ralph Terrana-Intnl, La Grizzy- Intnl, Team Detroit-Mich, and "Lucky" the Wonder-Dog!
duanethomas@johnnyandthehurricanes.com
